Being the Keeper of the Moment
· Leadership
I officiated a wedding for the first time, for my nephew Drew and Victoria, and somewhere between the nerves and the vows I crossed the line from performing a moment to actually inhabiting it. On presence, savoring, and why the strongest leaders are moment makers.
Leadership is not only about where we take people. It is about creating moments that remind them they matter.
This past weekend, I did something I had never done before. I officiated a wedding. Not just any wedding, either. My nephew Drew and Victoria trusted me with one of the most meaningful moments of their lives.
I was nervous.
I had written the words. I had practiced them. I knew the order of everything. But standing there is different. You are looking at two people you love, surrounded by family and friends who have traveled and rearranged their lives to be there, and suddenly you become very aware that this moment will never happen exactly this way again.
At first, I was thinking about my role. Am I speaking too fast? Am I going to remember everything? Am I going to cry? Am I going to somehow mess up the part where these two people actually get married? Then I started telling their story. And I shifted.
I looked at Drew. I looked at Victoria. I looked out at our family. I thought about the people who had helped shape them, the people who were there, and the people we wished could be. We paused to honor Victoria's late father. We laughed about Drew's legendary Spotify habits. We talked about two people finding each other and choosing to build a life together on their own terms.
And somewhere in the middle of all of it, the nervousness disappeared. Gratitude washed over me. I stopped thinking about what I was supposed to do and became completely aware of what I was getting to experience.
That distinction has stayed with me.
From Performing the Moment to Being in It
We spend so much of life trying to get things right. The presentation. The meeting. The parenting decision. The speech. The project. The next quarter. Even the things we are supposed to enjoy can quietly become another performance.
But the most meaningful moments ask something different from us. They ask us to be there.
There is a line from Jim Elliot I return to often:
[quote:Wherever you are, be all there. — Jim Elliot]
Presence is one of the foundations of Being HumanKind because I have learned how easy it is to physically occupy a moment while mentally living somewhere else. I have done it at dinner with my family. I have done it in meetings. I have done it while traveling. I have caught myself thinking about the next thing while the thing I will someday miss was happening right in front of me.
Standing in front of Drew and Victoria reminded me what happens when we cross that invisible line from managing a moment to actually inhabiting it.
You notice more. You feel more. You remember more. And, importantly, the people around you can feel the difference too.
Leaders Are Moment Makers
That experience got me thinking about leadership. Technically, the officiant is leading the room. You have the microphone. Everyone is facing you. There is an agenda, a sequence, and a desired outcome that is, admittedly, fairly important.
But a good officiant understands very quickly that the moment is not about the officiant. Your job is to create the conditions for everyone else to experience it. You set the tone. You make people comfortable. You create space for laughter and grief to live alongside one another. You remind everyone why they gathered. You speak when words are useful, and you get out of the way when the moment can speak for itself.
That is leadership too.
The strongest leaders I know are not constantly reminding everyone that they are leading. They are paying attention to the experience they are creating around other people.
Do people feel seen?
Do they feel safe enough to contribute?
Do they understand why the work matters?
Are we rushing so quickly toward the next goal that we never stop long enough to recognize what has already happened?
Leadership is not simply moving people toward outcomes. Leadership is creating the conditions where people can do meaningful things together and feel that their presence mattered in the process.
We Can Actually Design More Meaningful Moments
As a brand strategist, this part fascinates me. Meaningful experiences can feel spontaneous, but many of them exist because someone intentionally created the conditions for them.
Someone made the invitation. Someone chose the music. Someone thought about the room. Someone decided there should be a pause. Someone told the story. Someone pulled another chair to the table.
Chip and Dan Heath explore this idea in The Power of Moments. They identify elevation, insight, pride, and connection as recurring qualities of experiences that stay with us. The larger idea is powerful: we do not have to wait for meaningful moments to randomly appear. We can create more of them.
Weddings make this obvious.
But what about Tuesday morning?
What about the company meeting?
The family dinner? The employee's fifth anniversary?
The child who finally accomplished something they have been struggling with?
The friend who has had one of the hardest years of their life?
There are moments happening all around us that deserve more than a quick acknowledgment before we move on. Creating those moments is not frivolous.
It is human.
Positive Psychology Has a Word for This
One of my favorite ideas in positive psychology is savoring. Psychologists Fred Bryant and Joseph Veroff use the term to describe our capacity to notice, appreciate, and deepen a positive experience while it is happening.