Don't Make It Easier, Make Yourself Stronger
· Leadership
Stop waiting for things to get easier. Start getting better at handling hard. What if the hard challenges are actually shaping something in us that easy never could?
Sarah sent me a video the other day. No explanation, no big setup. She just knows me well enough to know I love this kind of perspective… the kind that's simple, honest, and sticks.
It was Kara Lawson, head coach of the Duke women's basketball team, talking to her players. Calm, direct, no fluff. And within about thirty seconds, I felt that little internal nudge… hey, this one's for you. She said, "We don't get to choose what's hard. We get to choose how we handle hard."
Then she followed it with, "Stop waiting for things to get easier. Start getting better at handling hard." I paused the video right there. Not because I didn't understand it… but because I did.
The Story I Keep Telling Myself
If I'm honest, I've spent seasons of my life waiting for things to get easier. There's this quiet script that runs in the background more often than I'd like to admit. Once this season passes. Once things settle down. Once we get through this stretch. Then it'll feel better. Then it'll be easier.
I remember thinking that early on at Rule29. Five years in, we'll have it figured out. The hard stuff will be behind us. Five years came. We didn't have it figured out. We were doing well and we just had different problems. Bigger ones. More responsibility. More weight. Hard challenges didn't leave. It just changed shape.
The Moment in the Driveway
Not long ago, I had one of those days where nothing big went wrong, but everything felt heavy. Conversations didn't land right. Decisions lingered. That low hum of pressure followed me all day. I pulled into the driveway and just sat there. Car off. Hands still on the wheel. I wasn't ready to go inside yet. Not because I didn't want to be there… but because I didn't feel like I had anything left to give when I walked through that door.
And the thought came, almost automatically: I just need this to get easier.
But sitting there, I realized something I didn't love. That thought wasn't helping me. It was making it heavier. Because now I wasn't just tired… I was resisting what was right in front of me.
A Chair Instead of a Fix
A few nights later, I saw that same tension playing out again… just at a different table. One of my kids was stuck. You could see it building. Frustration rising to that edge where quitting feels like the best option.
And I felt that instinct kick in immediately. Fix it. Make it easier. Take the struggle away. Because that's what we do when we love people. But I caught myself. Because I realized something I'm still learning… if I remove the hard, I might also remove what the hard is trying to build. So instead, I pulled up a chair.
Sat next to them. "I know this is hard. Let's take the next step." That was it. No speech. No shortcut. Just the next step. It didn't shift right away. But slowly, it did.
A little less frustration. A little more focus. A little more belief. And sitting there, I had this quiet realization: This isn't just their lesson. It's mine.
Challenges are not the Problem
We all have challenges. In work. In relationships. In the quiet spaces no one else sees. And most of us are spending our energy trying to make it easier. But what if it's not supposed to be easier? What if the hard challenges are actually shaping something in us that easy never could?
When I look back at the moments that changed me most, it's never the easy ones. It's the hard conversations. The uncertain seasons. The moments I didn't feel ready for. That's where something shifted. Not all at once. But enough.
Who You're Becoming
There's a line I wrote while working on this book that keeps coming back to me: Who you are comes before what you do. If I spend my life trying to change the situation, I miss the opportunity for it to change me. But if I focus on becoming more steady… more grounded… more present…
Then the hard challenges doesn't have to take me out. It can actually build me.
A Better Question
I'm still learning this. Still catching myself wanting the easier path more often than I'd like to admit. But when I do, I'm trying to ask a better question. Not, why is this so challenging?
But, who is this helping me become?
Go Be
Maybe this week doesn't get easier. Maybe the pressure stays. Maybe the conversations are still uncomfortable. But maybe you show up differently inside it. You stay a little longer. You take the next step. You stop waiting for it to feel easy. And you start trusting that you're becoming someone who can handle hard better. Go be steady. Not because life gets easier.
But because you're getting stronger.
PS: If this resonated with you, I'd love to stay connected. You can find more thoughts, stories, and what's coming next at behumankind.today. I'm getting close to sharing more from Being HumanKind, and I'd love for you to be part of it.