Finding the Gift
· Being
What if the setbacks you're stuck on are actually shaping something you can't see yet? A story about staying open long enough to find the gift hidden inside the hard moments.
[quote:Your adversity is your advantage. — Nick Santonastasso]
When Things Don't Go the Way You Planned
I remember sitting in my office, staring at a situation that just didn't make sense. It wasn't catastrophic. Nothing was falling apart. But it mattered. I had put time into it, energy into it, belief into it. I could see where it was supposed to go.
And then… it didn't.
I kept replaying it in my head, like if I ran it back enough times I could find the exact moment where it slipped. Maybe I missed something. Maybe I pushed too hard. Maybe I didn't push enough. You know that space. Where your brain won't let it go, but it's not actually helping either. I wasn't thinking about growth. I wasn't thinking about perspective.
I was just stuck.
What I Reach for Now
Over time, I've noticed something about myself. I still have those moments. I still feel the frustration. I still wrestle with things not going the way I hoped. But I don't stay there as long as I used to. Because now, when I'm in that space, there are a few things I come back to.
One of them is a story a colleague shared with me about Nick Santonastasso. And every time I think about it, it resets something in me.
A Different Way to See It
Nick was born with a rare condition. No legs. One arm. Doctors gave him about a 30 percent chance to survive. Just sit with that for a second. Because most of us, if we're honest, would start defining that life by what's missing. By what can't be done. By all the limitations stacked against it.
But that's not the story Nick chose.
He didn't deny reality. He just refused to let it define his future. Somewhere along the way, he shifted the question. Not "Why did this happen to me?" But "What can I do with what I've been given?"
And that shift changed everything.
Today he's speaking on stages, coaching high performers, helping people move past the very thing that keeps them stuck… themselves. Same circumstances most people would call a disadvantage.
But he calls it an advantage.
Sitting With That Truth
I remember going back to my situation that day, holding that story in my mind and nothing about my situation had changed. It still didn't go the way I planned. It still felt frustrating. It still didn't make sense. But I could feel something in me loosening, because I realized how quickly I had decided what that moment meant.
I had already labeled it. Already filed it under "wrong," "bad," "shouldn't have happened", and I hadn't left any space for it to be anything else. So I sat there a little longer. Not trying to fix it, but just letting the question shift.
What if there's something here I'm supposed to see?
The Gift You Don't See Right Away
If I look back over my life, the moments that shaped me the most didn't look like gifts when they showed up. They looked like setbacks. They looked like missed opportunities. They looked like things getting in the way of where I thought I was supposed to go.
But over time, those same moments started to look different.
A conversation I didn't want to have ended up strengthening a relationship I care deeply about. A project that didn't work forced me to rethink how I lead and how I listen. A season that felt uncertain slowed me down enough to notice what actually matters. None of that was obvious in the moment.
It rarely is.
Learning to Stay Open
I'm still learning this. I still default to wanting answers quickly. I still want things to make sense right away. I still catch myself trying to control outcomes instead of paying attention to what's happening in me.
But every once in a while, I pause.
And instead of rushing past the moment, I stay with it just a little longer. Long enough to consider that maybe it's not finished shaping me. Long enough to see that maybe there's something here I couldn't have gotten any other way.
And more often than not, there is.
And when I look back later, I can usually trace something meaningful back to that exact moment — the one I almost rushed past, the one I almost dismissed, the one I definitely didn't want. That's the part I'm learning to trust.
That even when I can't see it yet there is something is being formed.
Reflection
What moment in your life looked like a setback at first — but ended up shaping you in ways you didn't expect?
Weekly Challenge
This week, when something doesn't go the way you planned, pause before labeling it. Instead of deciding what it means right away, ask yourself: What if there's something here I'm supposed to see? Sit with it a little longer than feels comfortable.
Go Be
Go be someone who stays open a little longer than feels comfortable.
Go be someone who resists the urge to label a moment too quickly.
Go be someone who trusts that even the hard, confusing, unexpected parts of life might be carrying something worth holding onto.