In the In-Between
· Being
To feel the full depth of grief or love, you have to have them both. Grief is not the opposite of love — it is love with nowhere to land.
I believe deep down we all want to feel more love.
Deeper connection. More meaning. More aliveness. We want relationships that matter. Work that matters. Moments that stay with us.
But here's what we don't always admit. To feel the full depth of grief or love, you have to have them both.
The more I sit with that, the more I realize how often we try to separate the two. We want love without risk. Joy without vulnerability. Connection without the possibility of ache.
We want the mountaintop without the valley. But that's not how it works.
We don't get to choose one without the other. If we want deep love, we must accept the reality of deep grief. The very thing that makes love beautiful is the same thing that makes loss hurt.
Grief Is More Than Death
Grief is not just the loss of life. We tend to reserve the word for funerals and hospital rooms. For sympathy cards and casseroles. For moments that clearly qualify as tragic. But if we are honest, grief shows up in far more places than we admit.
We grieve the end of a marriage. We grieve when a child leaves home. We grieve a friendship that quietly fades. We grieve a business that closes or a role that once defined us. We grieve a dream that did not turn out the way we imagined.
Sometimes we even grieve the version of ourselves we used to be. Grief is not only about death. It is about change. It is about transition. It is about love meeting reality.
And if we are honest, it touches every one of us.
Loss Rearranges Us
[quote:The greatest learning comes from loss. — Anthony de Mello]
That is not something you want printed on a coffee mug when you are in the middle of heartbreak. But over time, I have seen the truth in it. Loss rearranges us.
It clarifies what matters. It humbles us. It softens us. It exposes what we were holding too tightly. And still, we resist it.
We want to be strong. We want to move on quickly. We want to say, "I am good." We want to get back to normal. We treat grief like a detour instead of a teacher.
But what if grief is not something to get over? What if it is something to move through?
Grief Is Love With Nowhere to Land
Grief is not the opposite of love. It is love with nowhere to land. You do not grieve what was casual. You grieve what was sacred.
The depth of your grief reveals the depth of your love. The more you invested. The more you cared. The more you showed up. The more it will ache when it changes.
That does not mean you loved wrong. It means you loved fully.
Leadership and the Quiet Grief We Don't Name
In leadership, we rarely give language to this. We talk about performance, growth, resilience, and culture. But we do not often talk about the quiet grief that comes when a teammate leaves, when a company pivots, when a season ends, when the vision shifts.
But that grief is proof of care. And care is the foundation of Being HumanKind.
De Mello also said, "Love springs from awareness." When we become aware of how deeply we love, we also become aware of how deeply we can feel. Awareness does not shield us from pain. It makes us more alive.
Being HumanKind is not about avoiding pain. It is about being present to it. It is about allowing ourselves and others to be fully human in the middle of change.
Underneath It All
Underneath grief is love. Underneath love is connection. Underneath connection is meaning. And meaning is what we are all actually searching for. Grief reminds us that something mattered. And in a distracted world, that reminder is sacred.
Practices for Grief and Love
Name what you are really grieving. Not just the surface loss, but the deeper one. Is it the person? The season? The identity? The future you imagined? When you write it down, clarity begins to bring compassion.
Write gratitude into the story. A letter to the person, the season, the role, or even the version of yourself that carried you through. Not to minimize the pain, but to honor the love that was there.
Sit in stillness. Five minutes. No phone. No distraction. Just breath. Just awareness. Let the emotions surface without judgment. Awareness is not weakness. It is healing.
Speak one honest sentence. "This transition has been harder than I expected." Vulnerability builds connection. It gives others permission to be human too.
Ask yourself one powerful question: What does this grief reveal about what I value most? Your answer is a compass. It points you toward what matters.
A Simple Weekly Challenge
Reach out to someone walking through change. Not just loss of life, but any loss. A job. A move. A shift in identity. Say, "I see this has been a big transition for you. I am here."
No fixing. No advice. Just presence. Because grief is not weakness. It is evidence that we dared to love. To feel the full depth of grief or love, you have to have them both.
And while that reality is not always comfortable, it is beautifully human.
Go love deeply. Go grieve honestly. Go be HumanKind, especially in the in-between.
P.S. If this message resonates with you, I'd love for you to join us over at the new Being HumanKind community. We're building a space for leaders, parents, creatives, and everyday humans who want to live and lead with more intention and kindness.