You Are Allowed to Change
· Being
Freedom, becoming, and the courage to evolve — why changing your mind isn't a betrayal of who you were, but the truest kind of growth.
[quote:To be free, one must be open to change, because life itself is change. — Alan Watts]
I was looking through old journals recently. Some pages made me smile. Others made me laugh at myself. A few made me wonder, Did I really believe that? Did I really say that?
There was a younger version of me in those pages. A version that was certain about things I no longer see the same way. A version that had answers where I now have questions. A version that was trying, learning, succeeding, failing, and doing the best he could with what he knew at the time. And instead of feeling embarrassed, I felt grateful.
Because it meant I had changed. It meant I had grown. It meant I wasn't finished.
Two ideas, often attributed to Alan Watts, have stayed with me ever since. The first I shared above. The second is just as unshakable:
[quote:You are under no obligation to be the same person you were five minutes ago. — Alan Watts]
Whether or not those are his exact words almost doesn't matter. The truth behind them feels undeniable.
We are not meant to remain static. We are meant to become.
Yet many of us live as though consistency is the ultimate virtue. We cling to old opinions because changing our minds feels like weakness. We stay in familiar patterns because growth feels uncertain. We keep carrying identities that no longer fit because they have become comfortable.
Somewhere along the way, many of us adopted an unspoken belief: if we change, we have somehow betrayed who we once were.
I believe the opposite is true. What if refusing to change is the real betrayal? What if our greatest responsibility is not to remain the same but to continue becoming?
The Science of Becoming
Psychologists have a name for something fascinating about human nature. Researchers at Harvard University and the University of Virginia call it the End of History Illusion. Their studies found that people of every age believe they have changed significantly in the past but will change very little in the future.
At twenty, we think we've figured ourselves out. At forty, we think we've largely become who we're going to be. At sixty, we believe we finally know ourselves. And yet, when researchers look back ten years later, those same individuals often report substantial changes in their values, preferences, relationships, and priorities.
We consistently underestimate our capacity to change.
Perhaps that is because change is difficult to see while it is happening. Like a tree growing, the transformation is almost imperceptible day by day. But over time, something remarkable occurs.
The roots deepen. The branches widen. The person becomes someone new.
Positive psychology offers another insight. Psychologist Carol Dweck's research on the growth mindset suggests that people who believe their abilities, perspectives, and even aspects of their personality can develop over time are more resilient, more willing to embrace challenges, and more likely to thrive.
In other words, growth begins with believing that growth is possible. The freedom Watts speaks about may not be freedom from responsibility or hardship. It may be something deeper. It may be the freedom to become.
The Myth of Consistency
Our culture has an interesting relationship with change. We reward certainty. We celebrate people who appear unwavering. We tell leaders to "stick to their guns" and encourage people to "stay true to themselves." There is wisdom in conviction, of course. Values matter. Principles matter. But somewhere along the way, I think we've confused consistency with maturity.
Social media has only intensified this tendency. Every opinion is documented. Every statement is archived. Every thought can be replayed years later. Changing your mind can feel risky. You might disappoint someone. You might appear inconsistent. You might even have to admit you were wrong.
Yet some of the most influential thinkers, leaders, and creators throughout history changed their minds repeatedly. Their willingness to evolve wasn't evidence of weakness. It was evidence of curiosity. The psychologist Adam Grant writes that intelligence is not merely the ability to think; it is the ability to rethink.
I love that idea. Because rethinking requires humility. It requires openness. It requires courage. And perhaps most importantly, it requires hope. Hope that we can become better than we are today.
The Courage to Say, "I Think Differently Now"
There are few phrases more courageous than these:
"I was wrong."
"I understand this differently now."
"I've changed my mind."
Those are not statements of failure. They are declarations of growth. Every meaningful season of my life has changed me. Marriage changed me. Fatherhood changed me. Starting a business changed me. Nearly losing a business changed me. Friendships changed me. Failure changed me. Grief changed me.
Writing Being HumanKind changed me. Every experience invited me to become someone new. To become more patient. To become more empathetic. To become less interested in winning arguments and more interested in understanding people. To become less certain of my own answers and more curious about the experiences of others.
I hope I am different next year than I am today. I hope I know more. I hope I love better. I hope I listen more carefully. I hope I become kinder.
Because if I am exactly the same person a year from now, I will have missed countless opportunities to grow.
Freedom Is Not Arrival
I used to think freedom meant finally figuring myself out. I thought it meant arriving at some finished version of who I was supposed to be. But life has taught me something different.
Freedom isn't arrival. Freedom is permission. Permission to learn. Permission to change. Permission to release old stories. Permission to become someone you couldn't have imagined a few years ago.
The Japanese have a beautiful concept called kintsugi, the art of repairing broken pottery with gold. Rather than hiding the cracks, they illuminate them. The object becomes more beautiful because it has been changed.
The same is true of us. The losses, disappointments, joys, relationships, failures, and triumphs of our lives all leave their marks. And perhaps the goal isn't to remain unchanged. I think the goal is to become more beautiful because we have changed.
The Kindness of Becoming
Being HumanKind has never been about perfection. It is about practice. It is about choosing courage, compassion, and clarity in a distracted world. And one of the kindest things we can do, for ourselves and for others, is to make room for becoming.